Sex After Baby
How Things Change And 3 Tips To Reconnect
Postpartum sex feels like such a taboo topic. But we want to talk about!
Carrying a baby, giving birth (whether vaginally or via c-section), and welcoming a new (very demanding) person into your home is no small feat. As our families expand we can feel disconnected from our partners and intimacy takes a back seat.
Ladies, before we go any further, consider this:
It is OK to not be ready for sex right away. Don’t be fooled by some arbitrary deadline that says you should be ready to go 6 weeks after pushing a human out of your vagina or bringing them into the world via a major abdominal surgery. Seriously, give yourself 3-6 months to get to a space where you can actually feel relaxed around it. It’ll be so much better if you do.
You’ve probably heard someone say “your relationship changes after you have a baby”. It’s true, but it’s not all about the physical changes your body goes through. It’s also about the mental and emotional aspects of dividing and conquering and becoming co-parents and teammates. Sometimes that means you’re flying in opposite directions, but sometimes it means you catch sweet glimpses of the deep bond between the human you created and the one you fell in love with.
Those sweet glimpses can have the power to open your relationship up to more intimacy.
When you’re ready, consider these three suggestions for connecting with your partner:
- Talk about it.
- Be open about how you’re feeling and what you need. The story goes that “women are complicated and hard to understand”. Let’s break through that stigma by asking for help, offering a listening ear (and a nudge for them to open up too), and welcoming a good conversation to deepen your understanding of yourself and your partner.
- Practice relaxation techniques and deep breathing.
- Before you consider penetration, do some deep relaxation, guided meditation, or deep breathing. By yourself is great, but as a couple is even better! You may not have all day (remember that human you birthed?) but take a few minutes when you get them to feel yourself sink into stillness. Let your muscles be heavy and really release any tension from your jaw, shoulders, and pelvic floor. Or best yet, visit us for a holistic pelvic assessment where we’ll empower you with relaxation and proper breathing techniques right here in our office!
- Don’t expect it to be the same—it may be better!
- Let go of all expectations of what you think it will be like. Don’t assume it will feel or go one way or another, just experience exactly what it is and appreciate it for an opportunity to explore your new body and a deeper connection with your partner. Allow the experience to be new and fresh!
Most importantly, don’t forget to give yourself and your partner grace and patience. The adjustment period after having a baby is different for every woman and for every family. Don’t rush yourself. Heal, recover, rest and then reconnect.